B2B Wins #47: Wordy Startup Pitches are Crap
And Boring
I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.
Blaise Pascal, Lettres Provinciales, 1657
The format for startup pitch decks is fairly standardized. The standard format makes it easier for investors, who read hundreds of them, to get the gist of your story, quickly.
The story is what makes your pitch deck unique. Get the story right, and you’ll get a meeting.
Wait, a meeting? you say.
Yes, a meeting.
I’ve reviewed a bunch of pitch decks recently and noticed that many first-time founders don’t fully understand what pitch decks are all about. Here’s my take having successfully raised money for myself and others.
The Purpose of a Pitch Deck
The purpose of a pitch deck is not to get someone to invest in your company.
The purpose of a pitch deck is to get you a meeting with an investor or one of their lackeys.
Meeting with an analyst at a firm or angel group, is often the first step towards getting investment. Your pitch deck has to be enticing enough that they’re going to allocate precious hours to meet with you and then write up a summary for the real investors at the group.
Even the lowly analyst has a finite amount of hours in their day and, after reading about all the other losers out there, they have to pick your diamond from the rough.
To get investment, you have to get a meeting. To get a meeting you have to both follow the rules and stand out.
Follow the Rules
If you’re writing a fantastic science fiction epic, the format that almost every successful writer follows is some version of the Hero’s Journey. It’s a standard format that allows writers to construct a compelling narrative.
Many writers vary from the Hero’s Journey format, but they don’t discard its basic constructs.
Hero is called to adventure
Yada, yada, yada, Hero Returns Triumphant.1
In pitch decks, we also have a standard.
Problem
Solution
Yada, yada, yada, Use of Funds.
Why should you build your deck like this? To make it easier for investors to consume.
Investors read hundreds, if not a thousand or more, pitch decks per year. To get through them, they will spend about two minutes on your deck. They don’t have time to figure out how you’re telling the story. They just want to hear the story. Make it easy on them, stick with the framework that works.
Stand out
You stand out by the quality of the story itself. Just because the Hero’s Journey framework exists, doesn’t mean that every story that follows the framework is awesome. Many people who fancy themselves writers, write utter crap.
Writers that stand out make the story interesting. I asked my friend, ChatGPT, to summarize the Lord of the Rings. First in the style of a first-draft of a startup deck that I see all too often. Second, after several iterations, getting the story down to its essence. I’ve edited both because, well, ChatGPT.
Pitch #1: The Kind of Pitch Most Founders Write
In an ancient land called Middle-earth, a hobbit named Frodo Baggins inherits a piece of magical jewelry known as the One Ring from his uncle, Bilbo. After some research, a wizard named Gandalf confirms that the Ring is an item of significant importance and could cause problems if left unattended. He advises Frodo to transport the Ring to a safe location. Along the way, Frodo is accompanied by several individuals, including humans, an elf, a dwarf, and other hobbits.
Due to various circumstances, the group encounters different obstacles, including geographical challenges, political conflicts, and interpersonal disagreements. Over time, the group disbands, and Frodo continues toward the Ring’s intended destination with his companion, Sam. Meanwhile, other characters engage in battles and strategy meetings related to the fate of their lands.
As Frodo reaches the final part of his journey, he struggles with physical exhaustion and emotional turmoil. At the critical moment, the Ring is ultimately destroyed, but not in the precise way originally intended. Sauron is defeated, and the remaining characters return to their respective homes, concluding the sequence of events.
Pitch #2: A pitch I’d actually like to hear
Massive Market: Middle-earth faces total domination—no alternative solutions exist.
Urgent Problem: Sauron needs only one lost artifact to win. Everyone loses.
Disruptive Solution: Destroy the Ring inside enemy territory—high risk, high reward.
Unlikely Founder: Frodo—resilient, resistant, uniquely positioned.
Elite Team: A king-in-exile, a wizard, a warrior, and a loyal, capable co-founder.
Competition: Armies have failed—only a new approach of stealth and persistence can win.
Traction: Fellowship overcomes ambushes, betrayals, and impossible odds.
Major Risk: The Ring corrupts—if Frodo fails, all is lost.
Climactic Pivot: Gollum’s intervention turns near-failure into victory.
Massive Exit: Sauron falls, peace returns, founder (Frodo) exits forever.
Don’t be boring.
Don’t use more words that you have to.
Rewrite. Rewrite. Rewrite.
How to Tell an Interesting Story
Getting your crappy pitch deck into shape can be a challenge. I often coach founders to start with a blank slate as a way of getting insight into how their story could be better.
Start with Nothing: Take a blank deck and write out your story in the standard framework with no more than ten words per page. Plain text. No diagrams. Nothing fancy.
Revise your first draft: I assume you will have failed miserably at step one. Everyone does. You’ll have thirty words per page. Rewrite it with fewer words.
Workshop the pitch: You can’t do this alone. Get people who will tell you harsh truths to review what you’ve written. They’ll help you not only with your story telling but may also help you hone your business idea.
Ignore most of the advice: Some of the advice you’ll get is stupid, especially if you’ve asked someone who hasn’t done a startup before. Take everything with a grain of salt. It’s your story after all.
Repeat Step 1, Go to Step 6 when you’re finished: Rewrite the thing once again.
Punch it up without adding words: Replace boring parts with exciting parts.
This is all easier said than done.
Now you’re ready to rebuild your deck.
More wisdom from great creators.
“A successful book is not made of what is in it, but of what is left out of it.” Mark Twain
“You spend a lifetime playing music to learn what notto play.” Dizzy Gillespie
“Try to leave out all the parts readers skip.” Elmore Leonard
Less is always more. The problem is less is really friggin hard.
There are nine more steps in the journey. You can find examples of this structure in Harry Potter, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Wizard of Oz, Finding Nemo. You get the idea. Everywhere.